I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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