good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i think im in europe. pls send help
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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