masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now