There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
