How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*