This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
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I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
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Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...