Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
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every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
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I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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