it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
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I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
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Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps