im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
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I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
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I want to be your penis for a week.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.