lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog