I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I looked at my own cervix.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.