last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend