Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?