I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it