I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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