i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
