filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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