Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize