she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
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In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
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I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.