bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
cat food counts as protein by the way
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."