This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.