Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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