Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
