Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
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Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
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Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.