the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk