I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?