its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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