i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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