Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize