Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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