you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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