Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
