3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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