Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I think I am morally bankrupt
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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