dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
