I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
