does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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