I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
