im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
