I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Come see our sink grown plant.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
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worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
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