Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?