so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.