I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
These 25 Rude People Ruined Movies for Everyone Else
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office