I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!