Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
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Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
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there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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