what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just invented taco cereal.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
