Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
