its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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