His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You're like the curious george of whores
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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