my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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