Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I fill condoms, not promises.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
