I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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