New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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