pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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