You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!