Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
