just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
