Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?