two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all