I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend