You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize