Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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