She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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