It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
nutella sex= disaster
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
