4 words: hood of his car
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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