Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize