Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
