He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
